At the end of every season, I review my journals from the past season. I like to go through and take notes of the themes that are popping up in my life and note where there has been growth. It’s a fairly new practice for me, but it’s one that I feel has really enhanced my ability to see myself clearly.
It’s common for me to make journal entries about the life that I want to be living. So this past March I made an entry entitled, “who do I want to become?” I wrote it all out. And this is the bulk of it.
What are my values? sustainable, present, wholesome, kind, do what is right, not what is easy, connected
What is my dream life? Why those things?
Dream life is easy. Living by the ocean somewhere in a house that’s totally paid off. The house is full of books and plants and open. When you walk into the house you feel at home and safe. You feel as though you will be taken care of in those walls and that you can rest (both physically and spiritually). It’s warm. Everything is clean and organized in a way that makes everything easy to find. There is not excess or clutter there. There is just what we need. Meals and snacks are readily available and all made from scratch. Food is organic and comes mainly from our home garden, supplemented by farmers markets (which are close enough to walk or bike to) and the occasional grocery store trip. Time is largely unstructured, the children play outside a lot and sometimes in the indoor play room (think Groh play rooms). You can count on being fed and being fed well when you are there. The children are capable and know how to do many things appropriate for their age level. (Ie, cook some things, clean some things, organize and take care of their own rooms). I write daily, poems and prose. I work out nearly daily. I do pole dancing and yoga and go for daily walks along the beach. We have a very healthy savings account. Our community is close knit and takes care of each other. We go on weekly dates (My husband and I). The children and I read classic books together. We take trips to the library and get new books in the mail on a regular basis. We have special time together, if not daily then weekly (mini-dates).
In my dream life, everyone has a place. Our home feels like it belongs to all of us. It has room for my partner and room for me (hence there is usually a mini office of some sort.). It solves the little solvable problems. Things still happen in that dream life. Things are not perfect. But you can trust that you are going to be cared for. You can trust that things are clean and easy to move through. The things that are controllable are controlled. Things don’t feel so precarious in my dream life. They don’t feel like they could all be snatched away at any moment and the things that I want are within reach. I do the things I want to do because they fulfill ME and because they are what I want. Not because they appeal to anyone outside of my own family. THERE IS ENOUGH AND TO SPARE in my dream life. We hold onto the things that matter which is mainly each other and our home is an extension of ourselves that allows us to deepen our connections to each other and to take care of one another. There is space to be a kid and to grow in our home. There is space to be who you are and our home welcomes everyone without judgement. There is space for people to come and stay. You walk into our home and whether you have a child that is tiny or a child that is older, there is space for both of them to be without worrying that they won’t be safe or that they have nothing to do. It is fertile soil for each of the people in our family to thrive.
It’s small enough that we are cozy without being so small that there is no room to welcome anyone into our home. It is a place of possibility and growth.
I think that I read it three or four times. It pretty perfectly encapsulated what I really want for my life. Some of it is material, but most of it is connection and growth. The things I listed that were material were mainly to support the feelings and space for connection that I want in my home.
Writing things like this always fill me with hope. They remind me both how far I have come and how far I still have to go. If you haven’t already sat down and listed out the things that are most important to you, I encourage you to do it. Just sit down and freewrite the answers to those questions.
Who are you?
Who do you want to become?
What are your values?
What is your dream life?
Why?
The answers may surprise you. You may just find for yourself a few places that you can shift to be closer to those ideals you hold dear, or you may find you’re much closer to having the life you always wanted than you think.
Love this! I want to live this life with you.